Goblin

Goblins are green, ugly midgets that have been rejected by the General Geilenor society because they're all retards. Before the age of common sense (the age of humans), Goblins were the smartest creatures in Geilenor. But when humans came with their brilliant concepts of racism, deceit, and treachery, the job opportunity for a goblin became limited to selling handjobs for 25 cents.

In fact, archeological experts say that the Ancient Goblin Mace, often referred to as "Bandos' Cock" had a phallic design because Goblins were comfortable handling such objects. Saradomin, Zamorak, Guthix, Armadyl, and even Bandos will cease to protect you from melee if you get hit by an ancient mace because they don't want to protect you from melee after you've been hit with that disgusting, tiny, rancid thing.

The Dorgesh-Kaan were so ashamed of their race that they attempted to bury themselves alive. But the Dwarves sadistically ruined their attempted suicide by digging a cave in which they would be damned for all eternity. Little people are assholes.